I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she peed on how many people?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
