Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
