its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
