This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
