in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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