Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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