My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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