fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
