there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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