I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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