I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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