So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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