Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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