I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
