my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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