Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
