my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
