I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
