For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
