the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
