Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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