I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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