you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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