i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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