i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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