You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
