I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
