I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
worst night to have a conscience
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
