I got chris browned last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
