so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
