I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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