I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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