The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
