You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
