I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
