I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
