Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
