i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
