I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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