Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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