I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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