The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
