What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
