I just made out with a guy for $7.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
