Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
