your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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