and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
