i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
