My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
