As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
