I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
