Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
