Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
