I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
