I queefed so loud it echoed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
