Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Less talking, more tequila
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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