the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
